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Satirist. Son of a Mouseketeer. Spoofing film, sex, drugs and music. Google me, I auto fill. Professional inquires/nudes to hogantorah@gmail.com

What a teaser is and how to use it

Today while looking at my profile page I noticed that my stories with a second picture after the first one will cause a read more break. Like this.

Underneath the last sentence there’s a picture, which triggers the read more Versus this:


The Tao of eating ass

Photo by KoolShooters from Pexels

The other day my friend called to tell me that he was in the hospital.

“Is it COVID?” I asked.

“No. I got E.coli from eating ass I think.”

“Oh. Yeah, that’ll do it.”

Then there was an awkward pause.

“Do you know who’s ass you ate got you sick?” I asked.

“It had to be one of three people. It might have been this one guy I brought home last week because he…”

“Stop. I don’t care. You shouldn’t eat any of those people’s asses again. Maybe stop eating ass moving forward. I hope you feel better.”

“No way…


I don’t mean I won’t let you see it, it vanished

Photo by Brett Sayles from Pexels

I’ve made many poor decisions in my life. Some of them have had long term repercussions like getting married or trying heroin. Other decisions became amusing anecdotes. Like my decision to get my first tattoo.

Wanna see it?


SHIT POST

Morphine is a hell of a drug

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

It was a cold winter day when my co-worker informed me that his Mother-in-law had passed away. She had been given 6 months to live, 3 years ago. I offered my condolences, gave him a hug, and pretended to care where the funeral was before asking a very sensitive question.

“Do you still have any of her meds left?”

He did. I almost shit my pants when he brought in 40 tablets of 60 milligram time released morphine. I think I gave him 40 bucks for the bottle. I worked my 8 hours just itching to try one. …


CHEAP!

Introducing the NaNoYeetBro writing method

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels Image author

You’ve always wanted to be a writer but you’re afraid. You’re afraid because you haven’t written anything in years.

There’s so many words, what if I forgot some?

You muster up the courage to post your first Medium story that you spent hours of work on that nobody viewed.

What am I doing with my life?

You see all these stories about writers who have made thousands on one story and you’ve made single digit cents. Why not you?


I’D RATHER BE WELL KNOWN THAN WELL LIKED

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Photo by Shane from Pexels

My social media strategy is that of a child who’s not getting enough attention. I butt in on conversations that are between two people. I post inappropriate content in inappropriate places at inappropriate times. I’ve been warned, suspended, and received a lifetime ban from more than one website.

Why do I do this? Because I’m a bit of a psychopath and it’s fun. Also

Controversy creates clicks

What do you think of me so far?

Don’t answer that, I don’t care. Being this obnoxious people must hate me and leave me a bunch of shitty comments.

Nope. I’m surprisingly beloved. The more I…


Get better at promoting yourself on Twitter and be entertained by these writers Tweets

Image by Luvecat all rights reserved

Today I read a story on Medium about how to achieve genuine reader engagement on Twitter. Before I read the story, I looked at the author’s Twitter.

Medium is filled with writers writing with conviction about a topic they might know nothing about. There’s people on here calling themselves doctors with expired chiropractic certificates like, oh I don’t know, (Retracted) So I checked out this author’s Twitter before reading the story.

The person followed 5k people and had just under 5k people following them. Which is very good.

But then I looked at the Medium writer’s Tweets. This person tweets…


Albums that I listen to the whole way through

Album Cover for Appetite For Destruction

Since the introduction of the LP album format in 1948 by Columbia Records, artists have struggled to put a solid 40 minutes of music together for an album. There’s a couple of hits which sell the album and what used to be called B sides became filler.

I don’t think Guns N’ Roses meant for Appetite For Destruction to be as perfect as it is, but the songs meant to be B side tracks were released as singles and were hits.

AFD is a solid 53 minutes of hard rock. Call me nuts but I fell asleep to this album…


BECOME A SUBSCRIBER TO SEE MY BUTTHOLE

The answer will disappoint you

Photo by Shane from Pexels

In the rural mountain town of Sedalia, Colorado lives Jayson Hill with his girlfriend and 2 small dogs in a million dollar home. He owns a luxury SUV, but he doesn’t drive it to work every day. Jayson never drives to work. Yet he makes over one million.

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Hogan Torah

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