I Didn’t Like My Nephew Till He Punched me in The Dick For Being Mean to His Mom 35 Years Ago

It was the most badass thing I’ve ever seen

Hogan Torah


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I never had kids. Once upon a time I wanted kids but didn’t happen. I don’t know why I wanted kids, I just did. If I’d had kids there’s no way in hell I’d be able to write full time. I’d need the income of a job requiring pants.

Fuck pants.

My sister Cerise and her husband Harry have been together since they were 14. They went away to college together in Humboldt and stayed up there. Today they have two kids. My Niece Bria and nephew Harrison.

I bonded with Bria instantly. She’s bright, warm, caring, outgoing, cantankerous, inquisitive, and no less than fifty more adjectives expressing positive sentiment. My niece is beautiful and knows it.

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Later, my nephew was born. He was a baby alright. As he grew older he was no longer a baby, but still young.

I tried not to show favoritism, but it was hard. Bria would run towards me and give me a big hug when she saw me. Harrison would run away. Bria cuddled, Harrison kicked. Two years ago he spit in my face on Christmas eve. Impulse control is something my sister and her husband work on with their son. He was trying.

We have Christmas dinner at my brother in law’s parents house every year. People, food, drinks, kids, and dogs. It’s fun.

This year I’m playing with Bria and Harrison walks up.

“Were you and my mom brother and sister when when you were little?”

“We still are but yes.”

I was surprised. This is the first time he’s ever said anything to me.

“When you and my mom were little, were you mean to my mom?”


Wham! Punches me right in the dick.

“That’s for being mean to my mom!”

After wincing at the punch I look at him and he’s looking me dead in the eyes. Holy shit. I know I was supposed to reprimand him but I couldn’t help but smile. That was awesome. Then he smiled back at me. I gave him a hug, told him to go play, and he ran off.

As I recovered from the blow I realized my sister told Harrison a story in the past about me being mean to her when we were kids. This attack was premeditated. That little shit has been planning this. He’s been waiting for this moment for weeks. He knew it was wrong but I was mean to his mom. Vengeance!

What a badass. I not only love my nephew, he earned my respect. Someday he’ll read this story and want to punch me again for not liking him.



Hogan Torah

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