The 5 Reasons You Should Date Me is The Same 5 Reasons You Shouldn’t
I’m Chivalrous to a fault
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I will fight for you. I will fight if someone insults you. I will fight If someone has 16 items and is in front of me in the 15 items or less line. I will fight if I don’t get enough tortillas with my fajitas. I will fight if I feel another man is hitting on you. I will attack if I feel someone is looking at me cross-ways. I always get my ass handed to me, but I will not back down.
I will give you the most beautiful, heartfelt, flattering, passionate birthday card. That I have hand written on a used Spanish condolence card. There will almost certainly be either a rhino, wizard hat, or a 90’s pro wrestling reference in there.
You will feel no rain, We will be shelter to the other. You will feel no cold, we will be warmth to the other. We are two bodies, But there is one life before us.
Lamento su pérdid.
And that’s the bottom line because Stone Cold said so.
I don’t pee in the shower. Unless you are in the shower with me. Then I will pee on you. Because peeing on your girlfriend in the shower is even funnier than giving her a dutch oven in bed. If you have never peed on your girlfriend in the shower give it a try. It’s the greatest.
I would never have sex with your sister. I will Photoshop your sister’s head on racy older pictures I have of you and put them in my phone photo album so you can find them when you inevitably go through my phone. Hopefully you stop there and don’t get into my massive stockpile of tranny porn which I have hidden in a folder called font cache.
I’m handsome but I’ve been cursed and have a horny ghost that follows me around that’s constantly perving out on me for the rest of eternity.
